The Monday Top 5!

Top 5 things that amaze me:

5. The indescribably horrific smell of the elevator leading down to the Union Square subway station. It's definitely an organic, as opposed to chemical, smell, but it isn't dead bodies, or urine, or feces. It smells worse than any of those things. The suckiest thing about having a baby in the city is that you are forced to use these elevators to get in and out of the subway.

4. The sounds that sometimes come out of my husband's ass.

3. That someone can sit and watch the entire Great Expectations movie (the one with Ethan Hawke and Gwyneth Paltrow) and not notice that 99% of the clothing is green. And the remaining 1% is black (except for the white outfit that Estella wears at the end, to symbolize that she's over the whole man-hating thing), which doesn't count.

2. That there are people on this earth who don't like chocolate. I've even read that chocolate activates "universal pleasure centers," whatever that means. My 14-month-old son does not recognize any new object as food. I have to eat a little bit of it and make yummy noises before he'll try it. When he does try it, he nibbles it very slowly and keeps his eye on me the whole time. The first time he saw chocolate was last week when I brought a couple of squares of bittersweet out to the living room to eat myself. Before I took a bite, he yelped and snatched it out of my hand and had gobbled it up before I could even figure out what happened.

1. How fast time passes. Sadly, this will always be the thing that amazes me most. And it will only get worse. Poo.